1) I was teaching my three-year-old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat each line of the prayer after me. Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail."
2) A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
3) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
4) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great!
5) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't. I've cut off your arms!"
6) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'"
7) A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the Pastor was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
The Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except on Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in the church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold by Thy name."
9) At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
(Excerpted from Funny Bone, Powerpack: Christian Music Magazine. Vol. 13 No. 2. Copyright 2006.)
Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:41 pm
